Sexology Meeting



by Francesca Tripodi

It was such a touching interview with #EsbenEsterPirelliBenestad!

They has shared their path through gender affirmation, from childhood to adulthood, with reference to significant others’ contribution and critical times in life.

We have been inspired by their talents (there are many!) and inner resources, the availability to answer any question, the overall aura of positivity.

We have taken valuable home lessons from EE. Here a handpick of some of them:

  1. Words are mirrors. If no word can mirror me, I’m a non-existing person. Pronouns are very important; if you start from there, it’s a beautiful basis for a therapeutic alliance.
  2. You should not feel bad for what is sensed as good. This is a kind of token for me in my life.
  3. Parents didn’t have done anything wrong. This is a message especially for the mothers, who usually take all the blame on them.
  4. There is nothing parents can do to change the sense of gender of their child. Attempts to stop him/her/them will cause harm and hurt. Instead, they can say to their child: welcome, how nice that you are you, that you tell us how you feel, and of course, we shall assist you.
  5. The opposite of shame is pride. Where there is shame, there is always guilt. But who’s guilt is it? Culture has taught us to be ashamed of things we should be proud of.
  6. You can de-genderise your genitals. They’re useful for lovemaking, they give me pleasure, and pleasure has no gender.
  7. Very much of the process, talking about transitioning, is to try to get affirmation, from yourself and others, to reach this beautiful point that is a positive gender belonging.
  8. Those of us, transgifted people, who have a solid “platform”, good education, well-established position, and partnership, we should be open. Tell the world who we are. Secrets change nothing. On the other side, the challenge of the world is to affirm the unusual human beings.
  9. There is so much “cleaning work” that has to be done, also within sexology, to stop the correlation between atypical gender and co-morbidities. We are not sick! My life is to constantly drip the message of human diversity, in small or big settings, to excavate the stone of culture.
  10. The health care system should ask for forgiveness from trans people who got a diagnosis of disease in all these past years. Saying sorry is also affirming a belonging to people who remained overlooked, and it could help to make a better world.