Shame Containment Theory: Five Components of the Shame Process

This blog post aims to assist clinicians in understanding and addressing shame through the insights provided by the Shame Containment Theory (SCT), developed by Lisa Etherson.

Shame Containment Theory: A Conceptual Framework

SCT proposes that shame is a protective mechanism within our attachment system, serving to keep the child connected to their caregivers. When a child experiences an attachment injury or a break in the emotional bond caused by a caregiver’s lack of attunement, shame is triggered as a protective response. This shame response attempts to modify the child’s behaviour or self-perception, driving them to restore the attachment. Shame, in this sense, compensates for the caregiver’s failure to provide emotional attunement, ensuring the child remains attached, even in the face of relational disruptions. However, as there is a lack of understanding of shame generally, we are not taught as children how to process this shame response we experience. Therefore, shame becomes an abhorrent affect that needs to be effectively managed, from childhood through to adulthood.

In SCT, there are 5 components to the shame process.

1. Attachment injuries refer to early childhood experiences perceived as life-threatening due to a disruption in the connection between the caregiver and the child. When a child experiences a rupture in the emotional connection with their caregiver, they may perceive this disconnection as abandonment, which, in turn, can evoke feelings of terror and a sense of imminent threat to their survival. Attachment injuries can manifest in various forms, including overt physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Alternatively, they may involve emotional neglect, the caregiver’s emotional unavailability, or a general lack of interest in the child. In response to such attachment injuries, the child will experience shame as a protective component of the attachment system. This feeling of shame motivates the child to modify their behaviour, endeavouring to re-establish the connection. Therefore, shame is attempting to ensure survival.
2. Contained shame is experienced as the core self, either consciously or unconsciously. Contained shame is the consequence of shame being produced as a protective response to attachment injuries as children, which remain within us as adults. Children cannot understand the nuanced purpose of shame. Instead, they internalize the emotional message as a reflection of their inherent worth, interpreting the feeling of “I am bad” as an objective truth about themselves. This perception is compounded by the intensity of the shame response, which is often acutely painful for the child. Without the presence of an attuned adult to help them understand and regulate this overwhelming shame, the child remains unable to contextualize or soothe the shame. The absence of such external support leaves them vulnerable to believing that the experience of shame is a confirmation of their fundamental inadequacy, rather than a temporary emotional state designed to guide behaviour within relationships.
3. Uncontained shame refers to the acute and overwhelming experience of contained shame breaking free from its typical, more contained form. Uncontained shame occurs infrequently, but when it does, it is often experienced as devastating. Individuals who describe this state frequently use expressions such as “my world came to an end” or “I wanted to disappear,” indicating the profound disruption it causes to their sense of self and reality. The experience, which often comes as a shock, can lead to intense panic or emotional shutdown. In its most extreme form, uncontained shame can evoke a sense of impending destruction or annihilation, and in some cases, may provoke suicidal ideation.
4. Shame containment strategies (SCS) are mechanisms developed to prevent the overwhelming experience of uncontained shame, allowing the individual to manage and keep contained shame intact. Given the profoundly distressing nature of uncontained shame, these strategies are essential for emotional regulation and psychological protection. SCS can be employed both consciously and unconsciously, with some individuals structuring significant aspects of their lives around these strategies. While certain strategies are adaptive and necessary, such as exhibiting politeness or helpfulness, which maintain social bonds, others eventually become problematic. In such cases, these strategies may hinder rather than support the individual’s functioning within social, relational and emotional contexts.
5. Re-containment strategies represent the fifth component of SCT and are crucial for managing uncontained shame. Whether the uncontained shame manifests as a significant, overwhelming emotional experience or as a smaller, more manageable “shame leak,” these strategies serve to get uncontained shame back to its contained state. Re-containment is necessary because remaining in a state of uncontained shame is often intolerable. Therefore, individuals employ re-containment strategies to return to psychological stability.

Implications for Clinical Practice

This framework can help therapists recognise, understand and work with shame. For example, early indicators from relative research showed that all components of the SCT were positively associated with compulsive sexual behaviour, suggesting that SCT could offer a potential framework for working with CSB (Etherson, L., 2023). By offering a deeper understanding of the role of shame, SCT has important implications for common presentations in the psychosexual setting.

By Lisa Etherson, Psychosexual Therapist – PhD Researcher

Etherson, L. (2023). Shame containment theory. Attachment, 17(2), 141-154.

https://firingthemind.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Article-Open-Access.pdf